Where To Look For Your Mate


In a buyer’s market, there is always the law of supply and demand: the lower the supply, the greater the demand and the more difficulty finding what you need. This is also true in dating and searching for the right mate.

Sure there are online dating sites galore catering to every need, but is finding someone online guaranteed to land you the ideal person, or are many folks trolling for casual or short-term relationships after tough break-ups or disappointments? Can you find the person for whom you are searching in your neighborhood, your church or your corner coffee shop or have those days gone the way of the dodo? Are there really soul mates out there in the world, or do you have to search farther and farther from home to find the right match for your needs?

Does money matter?

In a recent study, Peter Jonason found that people searching for long-term mates are looking for those who earn their own money, rather than having inherited it. Can we surmise that having a good job is a hook with which to find a match? There are work-place dalliances, especially in the office, according to television and movies, but most places frown upon this for the obvious reason that break-ups can cause havoc with professionalism. Jonason’s study also points out that perhaps the college-aged female requirement of financial resources may be based upon the requirement for possible parental support later in life. While younger women appear to be searching for more long-term relationships with all the necessary criteria, the young men in the study appeared to be less interested in financial concerns since they were looking for short-term partners. In a recent lecture about finding a mate, he suggested that going farther from home geographically may be more effective than staying in the same old stomping ground.

So how do men searching for short-term relationships and women looking for more long-term commitments translate into the everyday dating scene? And how do previous disappointments and failed relationships cause individuals to view dating differently than those experimenting for the first time?

The age of internet dating

Searching for a Mate: The Rise of the Internet as a Social Intermediary explores the effectiveness of internet dating. Rosenfeld found that partners seeking same-sex mates had greater success than young people searching for heterosexual relationships, partly due to the expanded dating selection for gays, lesbians and transgenders. There was also some success for middle-aged heterosexuals who may have experienced difficulty finding potential partners in their everyday lives.

Another study on aging daters found that men who went online to find partners through dating sites were looking for a committed relationship while middle-aged and older women were looking for relationships that were less demanding of their role as caregiver, probably because most of them had already performed those duties during previous marriages or long-term commitments. The abstract stated that “in constructing profiles, women focus on their looks and sociability and men on their financial and occupational successes” because that was what the opposite sex was desiring. 

A study on the ecology of relationships found that successful partnerships were often formed with mates suggested by friends and family, while others found friends through shared hobbies and interests. Those who met at the bar or over the Internet found it difficult to be honest about where they first got to know each other, indicating a weaker relationship. It makes one wonder if there is still a stigma attached to different ways of meeting people, and if this may be the reason that people are searching for love farther from home, whether while on vacation or from other countries. 

Take a fresh approach to love

Where do you find a good match? Perhaps one idea is to ask those who know you best if they have any suggestions. Get out into the community and pursue interests to find those who are like-minded. By all means explore dating sites if they interest you, but don’t forget social gatherings such as parties, classes, continued education, volunteering, vacationing or other places where folks go to follow their dreams. If you are looking for a short-termed fling, you may find it at a bar, gym or social club, but don’t necessarily expect it to last, since one or the other partner may have a different agenda. Perhaps it’s time to stop following old patterns and try a new, fresh approach to love in order to find your ideal mate.